I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
