You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
