what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
