Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
