barbara walters just said penis...
time to smoke my breakfast
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
