Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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