When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
