Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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