I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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