I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
