he puts the penis in happiness.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
