I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
