at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
