A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
