I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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