i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I faked an abortion last night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
