Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
