i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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