Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
