I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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