I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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