You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
