sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
