And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
