why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize