He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
