he wants to bone in the snuggie
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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