No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
