i barfeds in our rink
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am available for nakedness
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize