just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Boobs speak an international language.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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