I feel great
I just peed on a car
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
