I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I will pee on everything he values.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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