Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
