Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
