Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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