I cut my penus on the lid.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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