I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
