I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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