I wish life had little blips of pornography
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
