Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
