Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
