C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
