why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
