next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
