im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
