My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
