see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
