We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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