I think im going to throw up on grandma
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
