im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
