Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
