she woke up with a sticky ear
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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