she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize