If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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