I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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