I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
