i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
