He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
