Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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