It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
