All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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