i permit you to call me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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