He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
