he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
