you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
