the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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