my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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