Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and she was petting her beer can
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
