At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
