she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
