tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
